Seth and Betty

Seth and I have been talking about Betty for a month or so now. Since Seth is a "new" talker, it is fun to hear him try to express himself around non-concrete topics, like Betty.
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A couple of days ago, Seth came into my bedroom and asked, "Where's Betty?" As he did so, he pointed to my dresser mirror, which currently looks like this:

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I asked, "Where is Betty?" And Seth said, "Yes, Betty." I said, "Well, Betty is in Uganda. That's why we pray for her to come home. Betty lives in Uganda." At that, Seth stopped and got a funny look on his face. A couple seconds later, he asked, "Uganda truck?" What, you might be wondering, is he talking about and what do trucks have to do with Betty? Ha. Easy explanation. I got Seth a truck in Uganda and we called it "Uganda Truck."

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So, somewhere is my sweet son's mind, Betty is living in this truck or near this truck or is related to this truck. See, I'm not sure he has any idea what "Uganda" is or that it is a place! I love watching him try to wrap his brain around these things. And, yes, Lord, let's get Betty out of the truck and into our house. Soon!!!

Seth

I was inspired reading No Greater Mom's story about their daughter who does not speak. (See her blog on the right margin.) No, Seth was never in an orphanage. No, he was not abused nor hurt in anyway. I was blessed to have him straight from the delivery nurse's arms. But nevertheless, as I've written, he has some little issues.

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I got a note from his Occupational Therapist yesterday that read as follows:

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"Seth used some spontaneous language today. He said, "bye, birdies" and answered the question, "What color is this?" He completed an alphabet puzzle and repeated the names of words beginning with specific letters. He spontaneously named objects on a number puzzle as well (baseballs, tooth brush and stars). Seth also enjoyed coloring and helping Joan erase what had been drawn on the dry-erase board. He identified which face was 'happy and sad.' Hope all is well. Seth is doing SO WELL! :-)" Joan

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I was thrilled to see this note when I got home. And then, No Greater Joy mom reminded me that even the small victories in development are victories nonetheless.

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Seth and I celebrated with ice cream. Ahhhh, summer. I won't tell you where that sherbet scoop was just moments before.... (sigh)

My Little Man

Here’s a quick update on Seth and his “stuff.” But first, here is a quick overview of his health background. Seth has hypo-plastic optic nerves. Basically, that means his optic nerves are dull and grey, kind of dead like. They are not bright pink like yours or mine. That means, he does not see well. Poorly, in fact. He is severely near-sighted. It is not an eye thing, it is a brain thing. He also has nystagmus, which means his eyes are in a constant state of moving, although that has improved, a astigmatism in his left eye, and pretty bad crossing, pre-surgery last fall. Because of the hypo-nerves, there are often other brain issues that join in. Like septo-optic dysplasia. With SOD, you can see pituitary issues and other developmental delays. So……

Seth had an MRI last summer. Looks mostly good. We saw a Neurologist a few times until he said we are done unless or until Seth has a seizure (another thing with SOD). Seth gets four therapies a week for his developmental delays. And, we see an Endocrinologist to monitor his hormone levels – which are regulated by the pituitary gland. At our last endocrine appointment, one of Seth’s levels was a little high, and he’s huge, by the way, so the doctor was a bit concerned that his Human Growth Hormone might be going crazy. Oy. I never push back on Seth’s doctors. But when the nurse called this time about another blood test, I was not happy. I pushed back big time. She explained it to me and eventually I told her it would have to wait until after I went to Uganda.

The first week I was back, I thought of it, but I wasn’t interested in forcing Seth to a doctor too soon after I got home. Week two, well, I just didn’t want to. So, on week three, I asked Eveline to stop by Children’s Memorial to give some blood and get it done. Thursday, the doctor’s office called and said all of his blood is NORMAL, NORMAL, NORMAL!!! I knew it. Thank you, Jesus! It’s a blast to watch God heal Seth, one blood test, word spoken, and friend at a time. AMEN.

The Journey to Betty

I have never been a journal writer. I’ve oft started and failed to write on a daily basis. After a hard season last summer, I started to write on my blogs – first Seth’s blog (on rare occasions) and then in December, here. Since returning from Uganda, it has been fun for me to look back and notice how God is really working on me, in some significant areas! I can see His footprints throughout my thoughts and feelings and challenges. (Maybe there's something to this journaling thing....) I have seen, as I look back, how God is refining me through my trials, something I haven’t ever really had the chance to experience so outright in my life, before now.

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Last August, when I was grieving a broken relationship, I was forced to remember God’s faithfulness, through Seth. I wrote, of my fears about Seth, the following:

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“At some point, I collapsed and could finally hear God. . . . As if He spoke directly into my soul, God reminded me that whatever issues Seth may have (insert list of "horribles") God will be with us. If we have to have tests and surgeries, God will be there. If we have times of struggle, God will be there too. When I feel like I can't do it as a single mom, God will step in. "I will never leave you nor forsake you," He said.”

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And shortly after that realization, I was reminded that God has a Plan, for all us – even our children, and that His plan will be okay. I know that sounds funny, but truly, it will be okay! I wrote this:

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“During the home study process, I was very open to whatever child God would have for me. Or so I thought. I'd take any race. Any age. Boy or girl. Any exposure to drugs and maybe even alcohol. But I was very specific that I could not handle and did not want a special needs child. I am single after all, I rationalized to my social worker, and if God has called me to adopt, surely He doesn't want it to be THAT hard for me. Hmmm. Interesting statements I made. See, God gave me a special needs baby despite my view of my own limitations. God gave me Seth with all of his glorious and, at times, painful issues. And I adore him. And I wouldn't change one thing about him. Not one. That's the definition of unconditional love. Sure, Seth's life is going to be a little more challenging than some other kids. . . . . But God is with him. God is with us. He's using Seth's "stuff" for our good and I pray every day that Seth would put his lessons through these trials to Kingdom use one day. God putting Seth in my life (a special needs child and the one thing I thought I couldn't handle) taught me that God knows and understands what we need better than we can ever know. God knows our deepest needs, our deepest desires, and the sum total of what we can handle. God knows.”

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Then, in December, I decided to launch my second adoption journey. Despite having learned these lessons about God and how He is using Seth for our good and His kingdom, I found myself praying for a “normal” child, without special needs of any kind. Perhaps unsurprisingly, as I look back, God put the adoption on hold.

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On January 11, God called me to pray for Seth, in his room. You may remember this post for while I prayed, God reminded me that "Seth is enough."

(http://conceivedinprayer.blogspot.com/2010/01/promptings.html )

At the time, I believed God was telling me Seth is enough, as my only child, and I was sad. It later became clear to me, however, that God had a different plan.

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As I continued to petition God about my life and my second child and this adoption, God and I had many good conversations. Here’s what I learned in those conversations:

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“As I talked to God about my hopes for more children and His promises to give me the desires of my heart and his command to care for orphans, interestingly, what I did not hear was the "no" I've been hearing. Instead God and I ended up talking about Seth's special needs and the potential special needs of a second child. More specifically, God pointed out to me in a clear way that I'm really afraid of having another child who has needs equal to or even greater than Seth.”

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I also said (and this is the amazing part):

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“See, when Noreen called about that first baby, it was pretty easy for me to look at that baby (figuratively) and say NO. But that baby, like all other orphans, needs a home too. Who is going to be the mother to the drug addicted? Who will parent the disabled? Who will love the baby with AIDS? Maybe, just maybe, God needs to work on my heart a little more before He allows me to proceed into this second adoption.”

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And, last but not least, God explained his “Seth is enough” comment. Seth, with all of his issues, is enough -- A beautiful child of my heart who I adore and would never want to change. My next child, no matter what his or her issues are, will be enough! My realization led to this:

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“God and I are in this parenting thing together and whatever issues come up, we can handle them. If God gives me another special needs child, OKAY. If God gives me a VERY special needs child? OKAY! See maybe God isn't saying no to this adoption after all, but is working on me and my heart to understand that Seth is enough, with his issues, and the next baby will also be enough no matter what comes.”

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That was January 27. But that wasn’t the end. I couldn’t pull my adoption “off the shelf” throughout the spring. I just didn’t feel like God had given me the go ahead. The answer was still, “wait.” And a lot of that had to do with my health. Do I think God allowed me to feel crummy so I wouldn’t go forward with an adoption before I met Betty? I don’t know, but maybe. In my flesh, I wanted to proceed in February and probably would have my second wee one by now. But that’s not how it happened. Instead, I was on hold until my trip to Uganda, and now I see all kinds of green lights from God – every shade of the rainbow! I just need to catch up and make sure my heart is right! I don’t want to enter into this flippantly or without caution or on a whim. I intend to worship God with my heart, soul, and mind. And then, I will run. :-)

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One more thing. You may remember that I was on a search for the verse of the journey when this blog began. I couldn't find one I loved, so we used Seth's: "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer." Still love that verse. (Rom. 12:12) Well, this morning, through an amazing Word at our church, I have the new verse -- a good word whether Seth and I go forward alone or if Betty (or some other second child) joins us: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5: 6-7.

Where we are

It is hard to believe I've been back for ten days already. I still feel a little bit like a stranger in a foreign land, but that feeling is subsiding. (Not thrilled about that...)

Seth and I have been praying for Betty. It is very cute to hear Seth say, "Betty." He has no idea he's talking about a munchkin half-way around the world and just one short year younger than he is! (Probably a good thing for now -- ha).

Here's the Betty update: I am in touch with her orphanage. They are being completely cooperative and are compiling her medical records for my review. I hope to have those next week and sit with an infectious disease doctor soon. I am also in touch with my Ugandan attorney who gave me a list of things I need to complete the adoption. If you saw my post entitled, "Ugandan Adoptions" you may wonder how this would work. Since Betty is positive, we would petition the Ugandan court for adoption rather than guardianship and, based on past experience, given Betty's health stuff, they will grant the adoption request. With an adoption order in hand, there is no issue getting a visa from the US embassy as Betty would be ours.

I looked back at my previous posts where I said Betty could be home in a few weeks. Hmm. True from Uganda's perspective, but not the US! I spoke to the agency who did my home study and we have to tweak it for an International adoption and then get DCFS to issue an International license (I'm apparently approved for domestic children but not International. Go figure). Then the USCIS approval. That was a little frustrating to hear but I know God wants to give me some time to have my heart and my family's hearts ready for this new challenge. So bring on the wait! Looks more like Fall now. In the meantime, I have my last meeting for the home study on Monday (no wait there!). And we can proceed in Uganda so that as soon as the US is ready, I will have the adoption order in Uganda! God is opening some doors, and fast.

On that note, as I've considered bringing home Betty, it has caused me to think about my health too and whether/how this makes sense. I'm doing immensely better and am sooo grateful for your many, many prayers. Some weirdness lingers so, on Wednesday, I called my neurologist to see if we could run one more test to put my brain at ease. Low and behold he had an opening SAME DAY. I went that afternoon, spent an hour, and BAM. I'm totally normal. Yippee! So another thing checked off my list. Praise the Lord!

There are many strange and marvelous things happening in this second adoption journey and, as soon as I think I know how it will "end" (begin) God continues to make clear that He's in control, not me. So I'm trusting that whatever He has for us is His best. Thank God for the peace I have in that!!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

My little man

Seth has been in his big bed since last September. Remarkably, he goes to bed and never (ever) gets out. Even in the morning, he will wake up and talk until I go see him and we snuggle before we get up. What a sweet, easy child I have!

And then there was last night. I got home late to begin with and then had to immediately get on the phone with work. This set Seth on end as he wailed and Eveline whisked him off to a walk. When they got back and I was done, it was after 7:00. I convinced Seth to watch The Polar Express with me (his new obsession). We watched until bedtime (8:00) when I could tell he was exhausted. I put him to bed without incident and headed to the basement for more work in my office.

A couple of minutes later, I heard him coming. As I waited, Seth arrived to see me. I put him back. He came again. Back again. He came again, asking to sleep in Mama's bed. Fine. In my bed. He came again. Back again. Finally, I asked him if he wanted to watch his movie in Mama's bed, thinking how brilliant I was and how much work I had to do. That lasted five minutes. Back again. On what felt like his one millionth trip to the basement (and I realized no treadmill run would be necessary) I said, "OK. Let's watch your movie in the basement." I spread out a blanket on the floor while Seth positioned himself for viewing. I ran upstairs (again) to get the DVD player and ceremoniously set it up for Seth on the blanket. Done. I thought.

As I hurried to start working again, it nearing 8:45, I heard Seth moving again. Apparently, his movie theater five feet behind mom was not good enough and he was trying to move the blanket, DVD player and himself into my six by three foot office. Perfect. I positioned him best I could on the stamp sized space not taken up by me and my desk and, you guessed it. Five minutes later Seth was handing me the DVD player and crawling himself into my lap. Sigh. I knew it was over.

We watched the end of the movie together and I put him BACK in his bed again and closed the door, tight. He was not happy, but at long last, fell asleep. (Thank God)

Other than being a hilarious story I couldn't resist sharing, I also learned something about "Mama time." We aren't done with it yet. And maybe won't be for a while. I can't go to small group tonight and leave him again. And, Lord willing, when I head back to Uganda this year, he's going along. It's just the way it is for now. And the truth is, I love it!

Now off to start his shot regime.....

Leaving on a jet plane

It's time to pack and get on my way. Seth was busy trying to "help" me, as only a two year old can. (sigh) It was his bedtime as well, and he often gets in silly mode around that time.

First he put himself here:

Then, he tried to figure out what a mosquito net is:

I could tell he was thinking, "Is this a choo-choo of some sort?" Oh brother.

Then I wanted one picture without the night-time paci. And the games began!

Oh how I love and will miss my munchie poo. :-)

There are no black people here

When I was 20 and 21, during college, I nannied for an African-American family in California during my summers. I worked for a great couple and their two wonderful kiddos. The first year I was there, Niki was 8 and Deric was 5. What fun we had!!

I remember one family outing -- riding a train North from the Bay area to a museum or a park or something along those lines. While I don't recall the purpose of our trip, I will always remember what five-year-old Deric said. We were sitting in the train station, watching people mill around, when Deric declared, "There are no black people here". Hmm, I thought as I quickly looked around. He has a point. We were in a pretty lilly white area. I told Deric that I agreed that in this area, there weren't many people with brown skin like him. Observant little buggar!

I've thought about that story a lot lately. In a few short hours, I leave for Uganda. I've wondered on this blog about living and working in Africa. That would make white skin the minority and Seth's beautiful brown skin the norm. But whether we move to Africa or not, Deric taught me an important lesson twenty years ago: in general, we are most comfortable relating to people who are like us. It's just the way it is. And like it or not, skin color still matters in this country. As Seth's mama, I need to keep this issue forefront in my mind, always working to keep Seth in places where he sees people like him and doesn't always have to feel different. Until we reach heaven, where all of this will seem so trivial. :-)

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"for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, [black nor white] for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise." Galatians 3:27-29

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

From one crazy duo to all of our friends!

Coincidence? I think not!

Ever since I posted that Seth was having speech problems and asked for prayer, something remarkable has happened. He has started to speak! This morning, I spoke to his therapists after their time together and they reported that Seth was speaking in full phrases throughout his session today. Coincidence? I think not! Check him out!

"Seth need car."
"I crash car."
"Crash!"
"Oh no! Uh-oh!!"

Answered prayers again. Amen! Thanks for praying everyone..... I will keep you posted on Seth's next great words of wisdom. Ha!

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"Confess your sins to each other and pray for one another so you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results." James 5:16

And then there was . . . .

Last night, at bedtime, Seth proclaimed, "No Work." It's coming!!!!!
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Yippee! Pray on, warriors!

He speaks -- a little :)

Seth is coming up on two and a half years old and he doesn't really speak a whole lot. Well, at least not English. He talks in a language no one but he understands, and it can be hilarious. At this point, his speech is severely delayed, so in addition to his developmental and occupational therapies, he gets speech therapy. In April, he will start getting speech therapy twice a week.

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Last Thursday I had a meeting with a couple of Seth's therapists to talk about his progress, or lack thereof. They expressed some concern to me, more than I have heard for many months. Trouble is, they didn't offer me any solutions and even expressed some doubts about two sessions a week helping Seth at all. Don't come to me without solutions! YOU are the therapists! I was frustrated after the meeting and felt like it didn't go well.

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On Monday morning, after a great weekend of Seth and Mommy time, I was getting ready to leave for work and Seth was happily eating breakfast. I walked into the dining room and told Seth that I had to go to work and that we would ride bikes when I got home. He stopped eating, looked up at me with a clearly distressed face, and said, "No Mama buh-bye." Awwww. That's my adorable little boy! A three word sentence!!! And man, it's not easy to go to work after that one!

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So my take away? He will speak. When he's ready and in God's time. This whole situation just offers me more reasons to practice patience and trust God and know that He is in control. And more reasons to get on my knees!

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Father, walk with Seth and me through this time of learning and development. Teach us to rely more on You, for everything. Continue to teach us that no aspiration (including speaking) is more important than You. And, Lord, bring the speech, for Seth and I have much to discuss. :) Amen.

Remembering

Now THAT's Remembering!

First day home:

One month old

Two Months Old

Three Months Old

Four Months Old

Five Months Old

(He will kill me for this one day)

Six Months Old

Seven Months Old

Don't we look alike? In the heart? :-)

Eight Months Old

Nine Months Old

Ten Months Old

Eleven Months Old

And ONE YEAR OLD!

Wuh hoooo!

What's in a name?

Between September and Seth's arrival in November, we (my family and I) were in the great debate about his name. In fact, the debate started in Mexico with Julie. (Boy did Jules and I have some fun with that debate!) I wanted a Biblical name and one that's not overly used. So while I love love love the name Jacob, it wasn't going to happen. (Sorry all you Jakes out there!). My favorite name (in full) was Zechariah Louis Steiner. I like Zechariah still today. And Louis..... Well, my middle name is Louise and it seemed like a nice variation on my awful name. Ha. The problem there is, I'm not a fan of Zach. (Sorry, again. For the record, Deborah isn't on my short list either....) So, if I ever have a Zechariah, please call him by his full name or "Z" but not Zach. :-)

Anyway, we talked about Isaac and Isaiah and Caleb and a lot of other primarily Old Testament names. It was my sister that brought up Seth. At first, I wasn't a fan. But then a quick google search confirmed it's not one of the trendy names and I started to consider it. Hmmm. Seth Steiner doesn't flow perfectly (kind of a tongue twister) but the name started growing on me.

On November 15 when Noreen called me to tell me the baby was born, she also told me that Grace named him -- something I was prepared for. She named him Camron (note spelling). "Okay," I thought, "let's see if we can work with that." Zechariah Cameron? Um, no. Seth Cameron. Hmmm. Nice name. Very nice. Seth Cameron Steiner. That's it! Love it! So as a tribute to our dear birth mom Grace, Seth has the middle name that sounds like her given name (Camron vs Cameron) and the Biblical name first. Seth means appointed one. Ah. Perfect. Adopted by me and God, appointed for a purpose. Can't wait to see what that is!

I never thought I would have a son named Seth and I do. My perfectly joyful crazy man Seth Cameron. Oh how I adore him!!

The Miracle of Adoption

There are a couple of things about adoption that I find particularly challenging. Nothing to do with Seth or how I feel about Seth, but more how society wants to view us. Or the box they want to throw us in.

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It is not uncommon for me to be asked by a stranger (most of my friends know better) whether I hope to have children "of my own" one day. Um, I do have a child of my own. His name is Seth, he's standing right in front of you, and he isn't deaf! "How rude," I think to myself. And yet, I smile and say something like, "Seth is my own" or "Are you asking whether I'd like biological children?" Or I ignore them entirely. Depends on my mood, I guess.

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See, the miracle of adoption is that Seth is 100 % mine. All in. Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. I remember my mom telling me many times growing up that she had created birth stories for my brothers, in her mind. And David was adopted when he was two and a half years old! I get that now. I had a gestation period with Seth. I loved him before he was born. I loved him the moment I saw him. He is "my own".

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It also amazes me how your life becomes everyone else's business when you adopt -- at least in a conspicuous family like ours. Strangers are regularly trying to figure us out. Am I married to an African-American man? Is Seth biracial? (He is, by the way). This results in interesting comments from strangers like "he has your mouth" or other things designed (I think) to elicit an explanation from me. They generally don't get one. Sometimes they get a "Oh, do you think so?" Or, when I'm feeling sassy, "He has his dad's eyes" (hee hee) or a polite smile. But I feel no obligation to share Seth's story with a stranger. It is his and mine to share with those we love and trust. Period.

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So in case you're wondering, Seth is my own. :-) He is my son -- not my "adopted son." He is bone of my bone. And yes. Sometimes I hope to have biological children but most days I'm quite content that adoption was my first and maybe my last choice. Because there is nothing better than being a mama -- however that comes about.

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"Her children rise up and call her blessed." Prov. 31:28

Seth's Journey Home

I thought it might be fun to do a little bit of remembering about my journey to Seth. So in this post, journey with me as I remember God's total and complete faithfulness to my call. Praise God!

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In 2006, I started praying about an urging I felt to adopt. I have known from a young age that I wanted to adopt -- my brothers are adopted, God commands it, and it is somewhere in the fabric of my being. I never believed I would do it alone. That wasn't part of my paradigm of thinking. My good friend, mentor and colleague, Z, had adopted her daughter as a single mom and she mentioned to me repeatedly over the years that I should do the same. Um, no. I was "sure" that wasn't in God's plan for me. (Funny how God works over our hearts....)

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So in 2006 when the whisperings started to get louder, I decided to pray about it for a while -- alone. I didn't want the voices, opinions, beliefs and thoughts of my Village to cloud what I was trying to discern. I didn't tell anyone, not even mom. I prayed and read books and searched the Internet and battled some conflicting emotions of my own. In the fall, I decided it was time to let the cat out of the bag and I talked to my family about it. By this time, I believed I was headed down the road to a baby, but I still wasn't 100% sure.

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I remember Christmas 2006 because it was then that my parents started asking the "hard" questions that I needed to consider. (Not that I hadn't asked myself already at that point). We had some good conversations about when and where from and age and race and singleness. The conversations helped me to feel my growing conviction about what I was called to do. But my sister was silent..... hmmm.

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In January, before I even applied, I signed up for a one day workshop on adoption to "try it on" and see how it felt. My friend Laura attended with me which was great for processing later. And I prayed on. Later that month, my sister and I talked, even as I was making personal calls to my friends to tell them the exciting news and get them praying! I respect my big sister so much for the hard things that she asked me during that call. (Look for a post on that down the road). It wasn't easy to hear some of her questions and doubts about my chosen course, but it was a growing time for me and maybe even her. :)

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By March, I was ready to run. I submitted my application to Adoption Link, Oak Park, on March 28, 2007. Yippee! Shortly after that, my home study started with Beth, who was wonderful and made the process easy. I was so stoked that every step went lightening fast. I filled out paperwork they left with me same day and would get it back to them pronto. By June, the home study was done and in July, I got my foster care license from DCFS.

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Then, the wait -- or so I thought. Noreen (birth mother coordinator) started showing my profile to birth mothers in August -- about mid-August as memory serves. At that point, I thought it could be a year until baby came home, but nevertheless, out of an abundance of caution, I informed my firm that I was seeking to adopt. (Good thing....)

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In September, Julie, Holt and I headed to my parent's time share in Mexico. I will never forget that trip! Here's a story of God's provision to last a lifetime:

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In the years preceding 2006, I dated a guy who I loved very much. And he loved me. But for reasons that aren't important to Seth's story, it didn't work out. It was very painful at the time. Now I call it God's providence. Anyway, this man and I had long since moved on prior to this trip to Mexico, but my heart still sang for him sometimes, in the lonely moments. On September 17, while in Mexico, I got an email from him to my work account (on blackberry) telling me to check my Yahoo! account. And I knew. I knew that he was moving on in a more permanent way and getting married. I quickly dialed my sister in Maryland so she could check my personal account, not available on my blackberry. As she logged in, I told her what she was about to see and she expressed some doubt about it. Um, not so much. Sure enough, "Deb, I'm getting married" was there in his email. (Deep sigh). Okay. I thanked my sister and headed out to the beach on a walk.

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I remember crying out to God during that walk. I remember pleading with Him that He had a better plan for my life. I remember asking Him to heal my heart and let "him" go. I remember shedding just a few tears. It was around 10 in the morning when I got the email. Julie and Hold were off on "married time" and I was alone.

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After a short walk, I headed back upstairs, determined within myself to send him a congratulatory email and mean it. I popped my blackberry on and was shocked to see an email from Noreen waiting for me. It's too good not to share:

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"Deb, Guess what? Grace and her mother, Janet picked you to be the adoptive mom!!! Is this exciting or what???? I will forward this to Beth too!!! Call me . . . . Take Care, Noreen."

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Ahh! As soon as I saw the email, the tears started, and they didn't stop. I quickly called Noreen and got the details. Grace (birth mom) was due with a boy (they don't often know the sex) in just six weeks and would I accept the referral?!?!?! I soaked in as much as I could and called my sister. I was hysterical. She answered the phone and I could tell she was immediately worried (because of our last call). That evaporated quickly. "I'M HAVING A BABY!" I shrieked. And we cried together.

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Enter Julie and Holt. Literally. As I'm sitting in a heap on the floor of the condo, with my phone to my ear, my blackberry in my hand, and endless streams of tears falling, Julie walked in. The look of terror on her face was priceless (sorry Jules). She ran to me and all I could say was, "He's getting married and I'm having a baby!" Um, what?!? I screamed it again and it sunk in for Julie who immediately started calling me, "Mama." Oh what joy filled my heart and soul.

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See, here's the thing. I don't believe in coincidences. Nope. I believe God divinely orchestrated a hard moment followed by the best thing I'd ever experienced in my life to date. God gave me my heart's desire and I sang. Loudly. And for the rest of the week (it was only Monday) we celebrated!! My "last" vacation as a single woman and my first vacation as a mom. Yippee!! Needless to say, I spent a lot of money the rest of the week, calling all of my Village from Mexico to happily tell them in person of my wonderful news.

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And a couple of months later, this email went out from me on Thursday morning:

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"Hi friends. A bouncing baby boy was born last night, November 14, at 9:47 p.m. He weighed in at 6 pounds 13 ounces and is pleased as punch to be here. :-) If all goes as planned, he comes home on Sunday. I'm thrilled and humbled and too excited to work!! I will send news on Sunday about the name and how stinkin' adorable he is. Love, Deb"

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And the rest is history. Except for that he came home Friday because Grace insisted that I take him directly rather than waiting for the 72 hour wait period. Oh how I am eternally grateful for and love Grace and Janet.

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Praise Him!! "My soul, my soul, magnifies the Lord, my soul, magnifies the Lord! He has done great things, great things for ME!!!"

Honesty

Apparently Tiger Woods broke his marriage vows. Repeatedly. And the world is fascinated by this news, which initially perplexed me a little. It's not as if Tiger is the first celebrity, sports hero, or famous person to cheat. Far from it. The list is long but includes names familiar to all of us. So why is everyone so fixated on Tiger's cheating ways? I have a theory.

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There are few things that stir the heart more than dishonesty. Well, there are few things that stir MY heart more. I don't think I expect a lot out of people but I DO expect honesty, decency, and some level of transparency if you're going to be in a "real" relationship with me. Don't tell me one thing and do another. Don't lead me to believe you are someone you aren't. Don't deceive me or yourself. And certainly don't lie to me. Please. I don't feel like that's too much to ask.

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I think people are wrapped up in Tiger's story precisely because he represented himself to be something that he is not. To the world, he was a moral, decent, honest, family man who would "never" engage in the behavior that now makes him infamous. It's the disparity that is causing all of the ruckus. There is a certain amount of cognitive dissonance in understanding who Tiger is and who he is not. And it's sad.

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Seth doesn't yet know what it means to lie, but it seems like kids learn these things earlier all the time. I've watched it happen with my nieces and nephews -- suddenly there is this realization that I could mislead you. And maybe, I could benefit (at least superficially) from doing so. My brother and I were recently talking about how to teach our kids the value of honesty and truth. It isn't easy. We agreed that the best route is through example. See, kids notice everything. If you call a friend and say you can't attend because your son is ill (and he's not) your son notices. If you tell someone on your cell phone that you aren't at home and you are, your daughter will see it. When you lie to your spouse or your boss or your child's teacher, they notice! When I fake it, having just said the opposite in front of Seth, he learns. THAT's where our kids get this bad trait: US. And that's truly unfortunate, because God is very clear on this front:

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"Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." Lev. 19:11

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"My lips will not speak wickedness, and my tongue will utter no deceit." Job 27:4

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"The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful." Prov. 12:22

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"Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." Col. 3:9-10

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"Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit." Ps. 34:13

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For my part, instead of engaging in the all-tempting voyeurism of Tiger and his family, I'm going to pray for him. That truth and The Truth would permeate his life and he would be a changed man. Maybe we all have just a little to learn from Tiger's plight about being real, honest, decent, and transparent. I know I do.

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"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Phil. 4:8

Do-Good-er

I love snow. No, I don't want it year round, but I love it. Love watching it fall, love playing in it, and love the quiet it brings to the neighborhood for at least a few days after it falls. So cleansing and beautiful. Pure. Clean. Perfect.

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When I got off the train yesterday it was a no-brainer. About six inches of snow had fallen since I left for work and as I dug out my car, I noticed a woman coming from the train to dig out her car, right in front of mine. I quickly finished cleaning off the Cab and started on her car. Not because of some desire to be a do-good-er but because I love snow and felt energetic for the moment and felt like maybe she needed an extra hand today.

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The woman uttered a quick thank you, asking me how much snow I thought had fallen. And then she launched. She started lecturing me (I don't believe that's an exaggeration) on the fact that when I park behind her (which I often do) I'm regularly illegally parked on a yellow curb. She tried to curb the lecture into concern about me receiving a ticket, but it quickly becomes clear she wants to be the last car in the row. (I will spare you my defense but let's just say she leaves room for 3/4 a car, effectively eliminating one entire space). I sighed, thanked her for letting me know I'm at risk of getting a ticket (whatever) and happily finished off her car.

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What a great reminder that service is about MY heart, not the heart of the person receiving help. Their worthiness, gratitude, ..... their heart has nothing to do with it. How often do I decline to help someone because I don't think they will be grateful? How often do I look the other way because "that person" isn't worthy of my help? Too often, I fear. Lord, make it about my heart. Make my heart more like yours. Amen and amen.

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"The Lord loves a cheerful giver." 2 Corin. 9:7

Do The Right Thing

On our late flight home from Orlando, I sat next to a somewhat annoying father of two, whose children were seated in front of us with their mom. During our long flight, he asked me about my occupation -- the usual stuff of flights. I made the mistake of answering with way too many details. I told him I'm a former federal prosecutor, now working at a large law firm in criminal defense and government investigations. Open the flood gates . . . .

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For the next two hours, I was cross-examined by this gentleman about prosecutions, police work, and being a lawyer. Sigh. That will teach me to open my mouth. Ha! One of his questions stuck with me, however: "When you were a prosecutor, did you want to 'do the right thing' or were you 'in it to win it'?" Huh. Interesting question and an easy one for me, quite frankly. The right thing was ALL I cared about when I prosecuted. This man was stunned when I told him about cases I declined for lack of evidence or when an agent went south on me mid-trial and we dismissed the case. I think this gentleman doesn't really like prosecutors or agents or police officers. Very mistrustful. Nevertheless, I found his question interesting.

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See, I am competitive. And I LOVE to win. But as a prosecutor, it wasn't my main goal -- not even close. Probably because I'm a little bit of a Bleeding Heart. Ah, there it is. ;) Win, but not at all costs. Isn't that yet another little slice of life?

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If there's anything I want to give Seth it is the desire to do only the right thing. Yes, I hope he's competitive. I hope he wants (and likes) to win. It's the foundation of this country, like it or not, so he kind of needs to be competitive. But not over the top.

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The Bible doesn't really address competition -- at least not directly. Instead, it commands us to lay down our lives for each other. (John 15: 12-13. "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.") Treat others better than ourselves. (Phil. 2:3. "In humility consider others better than yourselves.") Give a stranger the coat off our back (Matt. 5:40. "If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also."). Love others. (John 15:12. "Love each other as I have loved you."). Love our enemies. (Matt 5:44. "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."). Doesn't sound like win at all costs to me.

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I don't believe, however, that God calls us to be weak or door mats for people who want to run us over. No. God raises up the poor (Matt. 5:3. "Blessed are the Poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.") gives strength to the weak (Is. 40:31. "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.") fights for the oppressed (Ps. 9:9-10 "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble."). He is the ultimate Judge, Arbiter, Decider. And Jesus also didn't bow to questions or pressure, even when he could have . . . .

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But nevertheless, since the greatest of these is love (1 Cor. 13:13. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.") living life doing only what's right in every situation is my end game. Now to help Seth understand that . . . .

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"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Matt. 7:12

The Happiest Place on Earth

Monday, Seth and I and a bunch of our cousins visited the happiest place on earth. That's right: Walt Disney World. I wondered to myself a year ago about this place we call the "happiest". When you're there, even on days when it's not raining and cold like it was Monday, people don't seem all that happy. Parents are irritated and yelling at kids. Children are crying and tired. Lines are long and tempers flare. Happiest place indeed. I think the problem is really one of expectation and something God has taught me over and over in my life.

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We knew, before we went to Disney, that the weather was not likely to cooperate. Rain was called for the entire day. That was a bummer; surely not what you hope for on Disney day. But because of that, I had my expectations in line and my "plans" checked at the door. We went to Disney, got wet, had short lines (yay!), and ultimately had a great time. No, Seth wasn't running around screaming with delight like he might have. (Turns out he was on the verge of being pretty sick.) And a smile wasn't permanently plastered to his face, and the sun didn't kiss our cheeks or even show its face, and we were fairly wet and, at times, miserable. But we had fun. http://sethcameron.blogspot.com/
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What does Disney have to do with the topic of this blog? Single and adoption..... HUH? Expectations. Seth doesn't disappointment me except when I expect him to be someone he isn't. Like my one year old cousins who are starting to talk, even though they are a full year behind him. Or my three year old cousin who can run and jump and drive a barbie jeep like a champ. Or my seven or nine year old cousins who are so sweet and social and funny. Nope. Seth isn't like them. And I need to constantly check my expectations at the door or I'll go crazy! My next child won't disappoint either, if I can keep my human expectations in check. See, even my sister's "perfect" kids don't always meet expectations, and that's okay. Just like Seth's okay. It's all about expectations.
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Don't get me wrong. I think expectations are important. Particularly for kids. If you don't expect anything, your kids will have no goals; nothing to push for, nothing to push them. I guess the part I'm talking about is a little different and relates to the expectations we put on life and situations and people.

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Expectations are HUGE in relationships. I remember hearing that years ago when I was in my 20s and wanting to be married. If you expect perfection, you will always be disappointed. I will always be disappointed. If I keep a list of criteria to be my friend or my boyfriend, I will constantly be let down. It's only in keeping our "lists" in line with what God's Word says that we will not be disappointed. In real life, the sky doesn't often part, the birds don't sing, and life doesn't become some ridiculous playground of fun. (Can you tell I was just at Disney???) So that's what I'm working on. God and me. Expectations. Godly expectations. For me, for my kiddos, and for the one-day Captain of Team Steiner. Expectations. Check.

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David sang in the Psalms, "For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope (expectation) is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken." Psalm 62: 5-6. Hope in the Lord. Expectations only in Him. That's the surest way I know to the happiest place on earth.