It's time

I'm itchy. It's time for Betty (or possibly, Leah Grace Elizabeth) to be home. Home, already. I'm itchy because it takes far more time than it should, particularly for a sick baby. I'm itchy because Betty was sick with the flu last week and I wasn't there to make sure she is okay. I'm itchy because Uganda is experiencing violence and I want to protect my girl. I'm itchy because DCFS is taking their own sweet time to approve my file. I'm itchy because we have a family vacation in November and I want Betty on the trip. I'm itchy because Betty needs to be on the right cocktail, not just any cocktail. I'm itchy because Seth wants to know where Betty is and "Uganda" doesn't really explain it to him. I'm itchy because it's summer and oh what fun we would have if she were here! I'm itchy because I'm not even fingerprinted or USCIS approved yet. I'm itchy!

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Lord, we know that you are the beginning and the end and that Your timing is perfect. I pray for Your perfect peace over when Betty comes home. But Lord, I pray You would intervene to bring her home quickly. Speed DCFS approval and USCIS. I pray that You would protect her and kiss her boo-boos until we can do it. I pray that You would suppress her HIV and keep her free from infection. Last, Lord, I pray Betty would know You -- somewhere in the deepness of her soul -- even though she is a little one. Amen!

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Have mercy, Lord!

Why adopt?

I was recently reading a blog (imagine that) and one particular statement stuck out to me. The author said something along the lines of the following:
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"Saving" or "rescuing" an orphan happens in an instant; parenting an orphan lasts a lifetime.
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I love that. It is important to give orphans a home, but removing them from their circumstances is only the first, small step in the process. See, it's easy to fall in love with a face or a dream. It's much harder to recognize that signing up is a lifelong commitment! And what fun that adventure can be! It's these faces that make it all worth it.

But for those who cannot or choose not to adopt, there are soooo many ways to care for orphans. Won't you consider the alternatives? Support a friend who is adopting -- financially or with prayer or simply with logistics. Sponsor an orphan overseas (see two posts below for one option). Help out a foster parent down the street. Take food to a single mama who is overwhelmed. Volunteer at a shelter for women and children. And perhaps most importantly, teach your children. Teach them that caring for the world around them is God's command for all of us. No matter what form it takes. "Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans." Isaiah 1:17.

Seth and Betty

Seth and I have been talking about Betty for a month or so now. Since Seth is a "new" talker, it is fun to hear him try to express himself around non-concrete topics, like Betty.
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A couple of days ago, Seth came into my bedroom and asked, "Where's Betty?" As he did so, he pointed to my dresser mirror, which currently looks like this:

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I asked, "Where is Betty?" And Seth said, "Yes, Betty." I said, "Well, Betty is in Uganda. That's why we pray for her to come home. Betty lives in Uganda." At that, Seth stopped and got a funny look on his face. A couple seconds later, he asked, "Uganda truck?" What, you might be wondering, is he talking about and what do trucks have to do with Betty? Ha. Easy explanation. I got Seth a truck in Uganda and we called it "Uganda Truck."

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So, somewhere is my sweet son's mind, Betty is living in this truck or near this truck or is related to this truck. See, I'm not sure he has any idea what "Uganda" is or that it is a place! I love watching him try to wrap his brain around these things. And, yes, Lord, let's get Betty out of the truck and into our house. Soon!!!

Guess what?!?!?!

This precious little girl . . . .

. . . . With eyes that speak volumes . . . .

. . . . Is Betty . . . .

And, WE ARE ADOPTING BETTY!!!!!!

Race in the U.S.

I have had some interesting discussions and thoughts on race in America lately. I thought I would share some of those thoughts, mostly because I'm interested in getting more resources from anyone who might be reading!

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To begin, I receive tons of emails from my adoption attorney here in Chicago, providing articles and book reviews and gatherings of other multi-cultural families. It has allowed me to stay up to date on issues and thoughts (some of which I agree with and others, not so much). A few months ago, I got an article that was discussing the way we talk to non-white children about their future. The author made the point that, when raising little girls, we repeatedly tell them that they "can be anything they want to be" when they grow up. See, we aren't afraid of gender. The boy/girl distinctions are ones that we are comfortable discussing and even confronting.

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But it is different with race. The referenced study showed that parents of non-white children are much less likely to talk with their child about their potential in life (unlike in the gender distinctions). The author made the point that we are afraid (read: terrified) to point out and discuss race. Hmmm. I think she has a point.

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Right after I read that, I started to talk to Seth about his beautiful brown skin and mommy's peach colored skin. He looked me like I was crazy, but I know it's all sinkin' in there somewhere! I want Seth to know that his skin is beautiful and that he can "be" whatever he wants when he grows up!

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Then, I had a great conversation with my friend, Kathy, about race. We discussed how it is a good first step when our kids say, "Mom, the color of their skin doesn't matter," but it's only a first step. See, unfortunately, the color of your skin DOES matter in this country. Still. Even with a black President. It matters. So how do we go the next step with our kids?

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I started reading "I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla -- Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World" by Marguerite A. Wright. I'm only 40 pages in (so I can't completely endorse it yet) but there is a quote I want to share:

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"Make no mistake: this book would not be necessary were racism irrelevant. Since racism remains very much a fact of U.S. society, responsible parents and caregivers need to reduce its impact on the development of the children they love and care for. Tragically, when they misjudge children's responses to "racial" issues by relying on their own adult views, they run the risk of magnifying the significance of race problems in their children's lives and of reducing their children's initially high capacity to handle these issues in positive ways as they mature."

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Based on my reading of the first few chapters of this book, she is right! We think when a two year old says he "wants to be white" that we have failed to identify with his race, when in reality the child does not understand race identity and may want to be white because he just spent time with his best friend, wearing a white shirt!

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Lord, help me to teach Seth (and any future kiddos) appropriate beliefs about race and loving people the way Jesus would. Help me to protect him from racists views and to comfort him when he is hurt. Thank you for creating us beautifully in our skin -- no matter what color. Amen.

Betty and the Doctor

Last week, Betty's doctors wrote me somewhat of a nasty email informing me that they would "absolutely not" provide me with her medical records to "decide" whether to adopt her. I can be sensitive and the truth is, it hurt my feelings a bit. But that's okay. I graciously responded that I intended no harm to Betty -- in fact, I care about her quite a lot. My intention in seeing the records was to understand the full scope of her issues. Not to be unfair to her.

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In any event, my Ugandan attorney had suggested from the beginning that I hire a doctor to evaluate Betty, so that's what I did. On Monday, Betty met with "my" pediatrician. The doctor reported that Betty is in good health and is developing normally. Praise God! She has dermatitis (which she had when I was there) and because of this visit, she is getting medicine! Yippee!! She also has an upper respiratory infection, which made me think: hey, that's going around over there too?

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All of that to say, things look good with Betty. Next up, chat with infectious disease doctor and meeting with my sister. :) Almost there! (Decision time, that is....)

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"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

1 Peter 5: 6-7

Lunch with my dad

Yesterday, my dad came downtown on the train to have lunch with me. I'll be honest and tell you that I had some fears about what I must have done wrong to deserve this visit. It's kind of a family joke that when dad asks you to lunch or dinner..... watch out! As it turns out, we had a very nice lunch talking about a whole host of things, not the least of which are my next adoption and Betty.

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Dad asked me some hard questions about Betty, but nothing I haven't already asked myself in this process. For example, if you want to adopt again, why intentionally sign up for a special needs child? I think it is an imminently fair question and here is my answer. I have always known that I would adopt. Since I was a young girl, knowing and understanding the stories of my brothers, I have wanted to adopt. I never thought I would do it alone, as a single person, until the process of adopting Seth began. Back in 2007, I was very specific that I wanted a normal, healthy child because I am a single mom. God gave me Seth. What I have learned through Seth is that I have the capacity to deal with special needs and that maybe I'm gifted in that area. I look at it this way: There is a universe of people who want to have children. It's large. Most people do. Some small percentage of those people are open to adoption and do adopt. Of those limited numbers of people who adopt, there is an even smaller sub-set who will consider adopting a child with special needs. I think, as it turns out, that I'm in that group of people. By the way, if you had told me that five years ago, I would have laughed you out of town. Soooo not me! God can do strange things like that....

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See, the HIV thing doesn't intimidate me any more. Yes, I want to see Betty's medical records and I want to sit with an infectious disease doctor and understand all that we are facing. But I've moved past the HIV in my decision to a place of wondering how Seth will react and whether Betty and I will bond and what her personality is really like. (Hard to tell in 3 hours of being together). That's all about an adoption of a child that's not a newborn. I got used to the Seth situation -- bringing him home from the hospital spoiled me! We've been together from the beginning. And the beginning with Betty will look different. I'm trying to wrap my brain around that!

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Despite my questions that remain, God has been swinging wide the doors for me to run through thus far. I believe that when we pray for clarity, we had better keep track of the answers that come! So here's my list, so far. From meeting Betty in Uganda to today. . . .

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May 19 Met Betty

May 20 Spent two hours with Betty

May 22 Ugandan attorney says Betty's adoption can be fast

May 24 Home to Chicago

May 25 Pediatrician tells me that HIV is "just another chronic disease"

May 25 Email Betty's orphanage

May 28 Orphanage responds to my email (yahoo!)

June 1 Orphanage agrees to provide Betty's medical records

June 1 Set up time to meet with Adoption Link re home study

June 1 Email attorney who responded immediately with checklist for adoption

June 2 Visit to neurologist to have nerve/muscle test. Clear results!

June 2 Med student at appointment calls HIV "chronic disease"

June 7 Email Lisa (mom of HIV child)

June 7 Lisa responds immediately with a very encouraging email!

June 7 Email orphanage for request of picture of Betty

June 8 Received photos of Betty (YIPPEE!!)

June 8 Update of Home Study

June 8 Learn that Infectious Disease doctor will start adoption clinic 10 minutes from our home

June 8 Spoke to Beth (doctor) re HIV and very encouraged. She notes that HIV is a "chronic disease." Catching a theme here?

June 9 Spoke to Linn, who also encouraged me!

June 9-10 Emailed over and over with the orphanage in the wee hours of the night. :-)

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Lord, I am so thankful for your goodness and mercy. Please continue to lead and guide me through this decision. And, Lord, protect Betty. Keep her healthy and safe. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.

And then there was the freak out

I knew it would come. I knew that I was a little bit in la-la land. And this morning, it hit. The freak out. I figured if I was going to write about God’s victories on this blog, I had better write about the challenges I face as well.

I slept good last night – long and without waking up. But when I did wake up, I was agitated. Too many thoughts rummaging around my head and causing doubt, fear and panic. I wonder what in the world I’m thinking with Betty. What if we don’t bond? What if she gets AIDS? What if I can’t afford her medicine during her life? What if she dies? What if Seth doesn’t like her? What if my relationship with Seth changes? What if, what if, what if, what if…..

Then there was the sadness, again. Why am I still single? Wouldn’t this all be easier with a hubby for me and a daddy for my kiddos? What in the world is God thinking? And why not me? So many others, but why not me? I’m tired of this issue. Really tired. Tired of thinking about it, worrying about it, and being saddened by it. And yet, I’d love to bat these issues around with my husband, like so many of my friends get to. I’d love to hear his thoughts, concerns, and worries. His faith and love and support. All of it. I’m ready to not make decisions like whether to adopt Betty by myself. Past ready.

So, the wrestling and waiting and the questioning, confirming, accepting and moving has arrived. I have a few months to make sure I’m sure about this decision and any other adoption related decisions I have to make. I’m just going to pray the decision is clear as the day is long. Bring it, Lord. Your holy clarity. Come Holy Spirit, come.

The Journey to Betty

I have never been a journal writer. I’ve oft started and failed to write on a daily basis. After a hard season last summer, I started to write on my blogs – first Seth’s blog (on rare occasions) and then in December, here. Since returning from Uganda, it has been fun for me to look back and notice how God is really working on me, in some significant areas! I can see His footprints throughout my thoughts and feelings and challenges. (Maybe there's something to this journaling thing....) I have seen, as I look back, how God is refining me through my trials, something I haven’t ever really had the chance to experience so outright in my life, before now.

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Last August, when I was grieving a broken relationship, I was forced to remember God’s faithfulness, through Seth. I wrote, of my fears about Seth, the following:

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“At some point, I collapsed and could finally hear God. . . . As if He spoke directly into my soul, God reminded me that whatever issues Seth may have (insert list of "horribles") God will be with us. If we have to have tests and surgeries, God will be there. If we have times of struggle, God will be there too. When I feel like I can't do it as a single mom, God will step in. "I will never leave you nor forsake you," He said.”

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And shortly after that realization, I was reminded that God has a Plan, for all us – even our children, and that His plan will be okay. I know that sounds funny, but truly, it will be okay! I wrote this:

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“During the home study process, I was very open to whatever child God would have for me. Or so I thought. I'd take any race. Any age. Boy or girl. Any exposure to drugs and maybe even alcohol. But I was very specific that I could not handle and did not want a special needs child. I am single after all, I rationalized to my social worker, and if God has called me to adopt, surely He doesn't want it to be THAT hard for me. Hmmm. Interesting statements I made. See, God gave me a special needs baby despite my view of my own limitations. God gave me Seth with all of his glorious and, at times, painful issues. And I adore him. And I wouldn't change one thing about him. Not one. That's the definition of unconditional love. Sure, Seth's life is going to be a little more challenging than some other kids. . . . . But God is with him. God is with us. He's using Seth's "stuff" for our good and I pray every day that Seth would put his lessons through these trials to Kingdom use one day. God putting Seth in my life (a special needs child and the one thing I thought I couldn't handle) taught me that God knows and understands what we need better than we can ever know. God knows our deepest needs, our deepest desires, and the sum total of what we can handle. God knows.”

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Then, in December, I decided to launch my second adoption journey. Despite having learned these lessons about God and how He is using Seth for our good and His kingdom, I found myself praying for a “normal” child, without special needs of any kind. Perhaps unsurprisingly, as I look back, God put the adoption on hold.

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On January 11, God called me to pray for Seth, in his room. You may remember this post for while I prayed, God reminded me that "Seth is enough."

(http://conceivedinprayer.blogspot.com/2010/01/promptings.html )

At the time, I believed God was telling me Seth is enough, as my only child, and I was sad. It later became clear to me, however, that God had a different plan.

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As I continued to petition God about my life and my second child and this adoption, God and I had many good conversations. Here’s what I learned in those conversations:

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“As I talked to God about my hopes for more children and His promises to give me the desires of my heart and his command to care for orphans, interestingly, what I did not hear was the "no" I've been hearing. Instead God and I ended up talking about Seth's special needs and the potential special needs of a second child. More specifically, God pointed out to me in a clear way that I'm really afraid of having another child who has needs equal to or even greater than Seth.”

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I also said (and this is the amazing part):

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“See, when Noreen called about that first baby, it was pretty easy for me to look at that baby (figuratively) and say NO. But that baby, like all other orphans, needs a home too. Who is going to be the mother to the drug addicted? Who will parent the disabled? Who will love the baby with AIDS? Maybe, just maybe, God needs to work on my heart a little more before He allows me to proceed into this second adoption.”

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And, last but not least, God explained his “Seth is enough” comment. Seth, with all of his issues, is enough -- A beautiful child of my heart who I adore and would never want to change. My next child, no matter what his or her issues are, will be enough! My realization led to this:

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“God and I are in this parenting thing together and whatever issues come up, we can handle them. If God gives me another special needs child, OKAY. If God gives me a VERY special needs child? OKAY! See maybe God isn't saying no to this adoption after all, but is working on me and my heart to understand that Seth is enough, with his issues, and the next baby will also be enough no matter what comes.”

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That was January 27. But that wasn’t the end. I couldn’t pull my adoption “off the shelf” throughout the spring. I just didn’t feel like God had given me the go ahead. The answer was still, “wait.” And a lot of that had to do with my health. Do I think God allowed me to feel crummy so I wouldn’t go forward with an adoption before I met Betty? I don’t know, but maybe. In my flesh, I wanted to proceed in February and probably would have my second wee one by now. But that’s not how it happened. Instead, I was on hold until my trip to Uganda, and now I see all kinds of green lights from God – every shade of the rainbow! I just need to catch up and make sure my heart is right! I don’t want to enter into this flippantly or without caution or on a whim. I intend to worship God with my heart, soul, and mind. And then, I will run. :-)

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One more thing. You may remember that I was on a search for the verse of the journey when this blog began. I couldn't find one I loved, so we used Seth's: "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer." Still love that verse. (Rom. 12:12) Well, this morning, through an amazing Word at our church, I have the new verse -- a good word whether Seth and I go forward alone or if Betty (or some other second child) joins us: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5: 6-7.

Where we are

It is hard to believe I've been back for ten days already. I still feel a little bit like a stranger in a foreign land, but that feeling is subsiding. (Not thrilled about that...)

Seth and I have been praying for Betty. It is very cute to hear Seth say, "Betty." He has no idea he's talking about a munchkin half-way around the world and just one short year younger than he is! (Probably a good thing for now -- ha).

Here's the Betty update: I am in touch with her orphanage. They are being completely cooperative and are compiling her medical records for my review. I hope to have those next week and sit with an infectious disease doctor soon. I am also in touch with my Ugandan attorney who gave me a list of things I need to complete the adoption. If you saw my post entitled, "Ugandan Adoptions" you may wonder how this would work. Since Betty is positive, we would petition the Ugandan court for adoption rather than guardianship and, based on past experience, given Betty's health stuff, they will grant the adoption request. With an adoption order in hand, there is no issue getting a visa from the US embassy as Betty would be ours.

I looked back at my previous posts where I said Betty could be home in a few weeks. Hmm. True from Uganda's perspective, but not the US! I spoke to the agency who did my home study and we have to tweak it for an International adoption and then get DCFS to issue an International license (I'm apparently approved for domestic children but not International. Go figure). Then the USCIS approval. That was a little frustrating to hear but I know God wants to give me some time to have my heart and my family's hearts ready for this new challenge. So bring on the wait! Looks more like Fall now. In the meantime, I have my last meeting for the home study on Monday (no wait there!). And we can proceed in Uganda so that as soon as the US is ready, I will have the adoption order in Uganda! God is opening some doors, and fast.

On that note, as I've considered bringing home Betty, it has caused me to think about my health too and whether/how this makes sense. I'm doing immensely better and am sooo grateful for your many, many prayers. Some weirdness lingers so, on Wednesday, I called my neurologist to see if we could run one more test to put my brain at ease. Low and behold he had an opening SAME DAY. I went that afternoon, spent an hour, and BAM. I'm totally normal. Yippee! So another thing checked off my list. Praise the Lord!

There are many strange and marvelous things happening in this second adoption journey and, as soon as I think I know how it will "end" (begin) God continues to make clear that He's in control, not me. So I'm trusting that whatever He has for us is His best. Thank God for the peace I have in that!!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Supporting Adoptions

Would you consider supporting my friend Kristie's adoption from GHANA? (Who knew you could adopt from Ghana?) She has some very cool t-shirts for sale and they are only $15! With their travel date fast approaching, they could use your help. Check them out here: http://fromgodtoghana.blogspot.com/. I have a shirt and I love, love, love it!
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Kristie's young daughter also felt the call and designed her own t-shirt to raise funds for the orphanage. How absolutely cool is that?!?!? You can see her shirt on this website: http://feedingtheorphans.blogspot.com/.
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Don't you know a dad that needs a new shirt? :)

HIV Positive

Things I've learned about HIV this week:

• Having an HIV positive child in your house poses almost no risk to anyone else in the home. We're talking really no risk. (Check out the Positively Adopted badge on the right)
• With treatment, people who are HIV positive are living almost as long as those without the disease.
• HIV is NOT spread through saliva, tears, sweat, urine or feces.
• HIV is so controlled these days that most states do not require disclosure of the disease to schools, day cares, etc. WOW!
• One mom, with an HIV positive child from Eastern Europe, said that within a few weeks of being on the right cocktail, her daughter's HIV is undetectable in her blood. AMEN!

I'm going to meet with an infectious disease doctor as soon as I have more info on Betty. And I'm praying on. But I did have to buy a little sundress at Target yesterday.... just never thought I'd have a girl and need to see how that feels. :-)

I think bringing home Betty would be hard and rewarding. As she grows up, it could be heart-breaking. She may never marry (although there are ways....) but as I said to my mom, doesn't that make me her perfect mom? I mourn that same loss! God is funny that way. We shall see!

Ugandan Adoptions

We had a few meetings this week to discuss adoptions in Uganda. As you may have read, adoptions have screeched to a halt in Uganda in the last year. There's a lot of information (and misinformation) about why that happened. As best I can, I'm going to try to describe what happened as we now understand it.

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Uganda has a law that in order to adopt a child, you must live in Uganda for three years as the child's guardian prior to a final order of adoption. In the past, the courts were entering guardianship orders for non-Ugandan parents who took those orders to their embassies and got visas. Once back in their country, they adopted the child. At some point, one of the ministries in the Ugandan government called the Canadian and U.S. embassies and told them that issuing visas was skirting Ugandan law (the three year requirement) and they should stop. In respect of Ugandan law, the U.S. and Canada stopped issuing visas, thus effectively stopping adoptions. The U.S. suggested to the Ugandan courts that if they included certain language in the guardianship order, adoptions could proceed. For example, including "guardianship with the intention to adopt" would make clear Uganda is aware that when the family left together, they would adopt and fore go the 3 year residency. That way, the U.S. could feel okay about proceeding with the visas. The Ugandan courts took offense to being told by the U.S. what to do and now we are at loggerheads.

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The adoption attorney we met with told us that there are several proposals to fix the holdup. In the meantime, one judge is issuing orders with the U.S.-requested language and visas are being issued. The other judges will not follow suit. But all of the judges will enter adoption orders for children with medical challenges or other special circumstances. The entire situation needs prayer. Prayer for the Ugandan government and prayer for the U.S. state department. There are thousands of children waiting for homes, many of them already matched with families. We need to get them home! Shortly I will be posting a list of names and addresses for letters that we were told might help. Please write. I will post a sample.

Days one and two

Internet is sketchy over here, to say the least, so I'm not even going to try to upload pictures until I get home. We got to Uganda on Friday afternoon and all of the luggage made it (praise the Lord!) with the exception of Emma's guitar. UGH! But we are thankful for all of the other supplies that did make it.

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We left the airport and headed to our first hotel. At the airport, we were greeted by the African Hearts team who we are working with this week. I'm so impressed by the work they are doing with street children and to help orphans in Uganda. The "My Journal" blog on the right is written by Jess, one of the workers here. She rocks!

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The ride from the airport was a great way to see Uganda. Took about an hour and was beautiful. Uganda is lush and green and the people are stunning. It reminds me of many third world countries like India or Costa Rica or Tijuana. The Ugandan people are extraordinarily kind and friendly. It makes walking around (or riding) a load of fun. :-)

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We had a great dinner at a place close to the hotel and hit the sack. Unfortunately, I didn't sleep much more than two hours for the second night in a row, so I feel the weariness coming. Also, if you could say a prayer or two for Pastor Dwight, he is very sick and we need him well!!

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Today, we worked at African Hearts -- building a building and planting trees. Lots of mud and fun. The boys that stay at the house where we were working are complete dolls. Former street kids who have found a home at African Hearts. They took my camera for an hour or two so I'm filled up with adorable pictures of each of them and our hard work. Can't wait to show you. God is really working there.

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From there, we went to visit a new orphanage started by some Americans. They have 12 (?) kids or so who range in age from about 6 - 12. Suffice it to say, I have a seven year old that I'd like to bring home with me. They will be approved for adoptions in about two months. Pray.

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Then, the baby home (orphanage). It's almost too much to write about here. They have probably 50 kids and the conditions are not great. That's an understatement. I hated it there. And loved it. So, I have about fifteen other kids ranging from new born to 7 that I want to bring home. Oy. I jest, but only a little. After seeing where these children are, it is hard not to feel moved. It is hard not to think that I need to move mountains to bring these kiddos home to forever families. Let's face it, it's just plain hard. We can't take pictures there and I understand that. On the other hand, I had this idea about orphanages -- and it wasn't any utopia -- but seeing it and working in it and snuggling in it. . . . . That's a completely different story. The kids all called me "Mama." That doesn't help. People, they need homes. Consider it. Do something about it. If you aren't called to adopt, GIVE. So someone else doesn't face the financial burden of doing so without help.

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Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm sure I'll have more to say, but not now. Mosquitos are waking up and it's almost time to eat. Things are great here and, as you can see from Seth's blog, http://sethcameron.blogspot.com, things are great there too. Hope to post again tomorrow night.

There are no black people here

When I was 20 and 21, during college, I nannied for an African-American family in California during my summers. I worked for a great couple and their two wonderful kiddos. The first year I was there, Niki was 8 and Deric was 5. What fun we had!!

I remember one family outing -- riding a train North from the Bay area to a museum or a park or something along those lines. While I don't recall the purpose of our trip, I will always remember what five-year-old Deric said. We were sitting in the train station, watching people mill around, when Deric declared, "There are no black people here". Hmm, I thought as I quickly looked around. He has a point. We were in a pretty lilly white area. I told Deric that I agreed that in this area, there weren't many people with brown skin like him. Observant little buggar!

I've thought about that story a lot lately. In a few short hours, I leave for Uganda. I've wondered on this blog about living and working in Africa. That would make white skin the minority and Seth's beautiful brown skin the norm. But whether we move to Africa or not, Deric taught me an important lesson twenty years ago: in general, we are most comfortable relating to people who are like us. It's just the way it is. And like it or not, skin color still matters in this country. As Seth's mama, I need to keep this issue forefront in my mind, always working to keep Seth in places where he sees people like him and doesn't always have to feel different. Until we reach heaven, where all of this will seem so trivial. :-)

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"for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, [black nor white] for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise." Galatians 3:27-29

Hmmm

I spend most of my days, now, getting ready for Uganda and dreaming about what this long-awaited trip might hold for me. Mom told me a few days ago that it has been more like 25 years since I first expressed a passion about Africa. So, this has been a long time coming!

`

I have been a lawyer for 12 years. That just seems weird to me. It doesn't seem nearly that long. And as I explained to a friend over lunch today, I've had a wild ride of a career. I started as a Federal Prosecutor shortly after I finished law school -- Federal jury trials, investigations, appellate arguments, working with agents. It was a whirlwind of a great job! Then it was off to the newly created Inspector General's office where I was the number two in an office of (eventually) 46 employees, conducting investigations around the State and advising the Governor. After that, I joined Latham (my current firm) where I work on criminal defense and internal investigations for companies. All around, another great position.

`

But over these 12 years, I've often felt my heart being drawn toward other things. Toward non-profit work or back to government work. Something that matters. Something that makes a difference. That journey led me to International Justice Mission (IJM) which is based in DC. You can check them out here: http://www.ijm.org/. It's a great organization with many lawyers who share my background! I've applied a couple of times for positions in DC and was told they really want me to go overseas for a couple of years first. (Darn, I thought, I'm not called to move overseas!)

`

As my heart has been more and more pricked by God on these topics, I've become more open to other opportunities. I always keep my eye on IJM and what openings they have -- just in case.

`

So yesterday, I was at my desk and thinking, "Hmm. I haven't checked up on IJM lately. I should see what openings they currently have. I wonder if they work in Uganda. If they had a posting for an attorney in Uganda, that might just be a God thing." I went to the website, and BAM. There, staring me in the face, is a posting for a Deputy Director in Uganda. Immediate opening. Hmmm.

`

I'm not even sure where to put that or what to say about it, but I'm starting to pray now. I can create my list of reasons why I "can't" move to Uganda (or anywhere out of the country) and some of the reasons are good -- like our family is here and Seth needs to be close with Grandma and Papa. That's just the first in a long list.... But I also know God is bigger than all of that so I'm trying to trust that His plan is better and we'll see where it all goes.

`

Lead on, Spirit, lead on.

More Adoption Thoughts

Is it semantics? Or is it a problem? I ask myself that a lot about adoption issues, particularly when the typical strange adoption questions or statements arise: How much did he cost? (Duh!). Where is he from? (Um, Chicago, where we live). Seth is so blessed; I'm so glad you saved him! (Really?!?!). This is Deb's adopted son, Seth. (Can he just be "my son?")

You see, I struggle with semantics because I think each of these issues can be addressed in a different (and more respectful) way: Can we discuss the fees associated with adoption? (Sure. I can point you to some helpful websites). Is your son adopted? (Yes, he is). Where did you adopt from? (The good ol' U. S. of A.). You and Seth must be a real blessing to one another. (You betcha!!)

I think the worst of the above may be this idea that I saved Seth. If you read the news these days, there is some fodder about Sandra Bullock "saving" her newly adopted son. I think that African-Americans in particular cringe at this "white savior" mentality that can get foisted on a family who adopts transracially, and I understand their concerns! It's not that I don't think Seth's life is different than it otherwise may have been, or that International orphans aren't better off here with forever families rather than in an orphanage with dozens of other children. Of course those things are true. I think my objection is that saying I "saved" Seth or that Sandra saved her son is that it somehow places us above others -- particularly others of a different race. It should not. At base, I think it is a remnant of the racial strife this country has faced, and I'm very concerned about inadvertently perpetuating that stigma. God commands us to care for orphans. We abide. Does that make us special? Or "saviors"? Nope. It makes us obedient. Does following God's other commands somehow elevate our position over others? Worthy of being called a savior? I think not.

Adoption can be a touchy thing. I don't want it to be. But the reality is that as Seth gets older, he will understand some of these comments and they could hurt him. If he thinks I "purchased" him, he may think I paid his birth mother enough to get him. Or that he is "valued" at some identifiable number. Ick.

Or what if Seth thinks I saved him? Or that he's "sooo blessed" that I adopted him? It might mean that I'm not broken. Maybe even that I don't need a Savior! Couldn't be further from the truth.....

So I appreciate people who try to use the right language and try to be loving to Seth and me, speaking respectfully of our family. We have no interest in being a spectacle. We just want to be a family.

:-)

Adoptions galore!

My friend Carissa and her family just passed court in Ethiopia so they can finally bring home their daughter, Giana Helen! I'm so excited for her (and them)! Maybe we could go to Africa together. I do have to stop in Ethiopia. . . . . :-)

Check out beautiful Giana here:

http://legacyandjourney.blogspot.com/.

Yahooooo!

The Power of Prayer

I have no problem asking my friends and family to pray for me. (Just ask them. Ha!) It comes naturally and I do so -- often -- for I believe in the power of prayer! But asking for prayer corporately or from strangers or even from mere acquaintances is hard for me. It's a pride thing, I suspect.... Recently, I asked a blog-stranger-becoming-friend to pray for me and she has and is and has followed up with me. What joy! THANK YOU, Mo!!

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After my post on Obstacles, I received a comment, seeking prayer for the No Greater Joy Mom family. You can see their link on my list to the right. Susan, who I do not know, asked whether I'd be willing to pray for this adoptive family and to that I say, "YES YES YES." In fact, I got on my knees the minute I saw her request. (Figuratively, since I was on the train.) Thanks for being bold for your friends, Susan, and I'm now boldly asking my friends to pray for Adele and Anthony and their children in the Ukraine. Pray with me, won't you?

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"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15

Obstacles

I had the immense pleasure to spend a few hours with some fellow adoptive moms on Friday. What fun to share our hearts for children and adoption and God! As we closed our time together, we spent some time in prayer for each other and for orphans. One of the things that struck me as we prayed was that each of us had encountered and is encountering obstacles to our adoptions. One of my friends mentioned that she believes that the enemy is so bent on thwarting adoptions, that he throws these obstacles in our paths. She might be on to something . . .

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See, one of us has a spouse who isn't quite ready for another adoption. Another had an agency tell her family it could not adopt a sibling group. (HUH?!?!?) Another of us has extended family throwing up road blocks. All of us have financial stumbling blocks, delayed court dates, address changes, timing issues. I have health issues causing a delay, and the list goes on and on. All of these obstacles can be overcome, and Lord willing, WILL be overcome. But sitting around that table, listening to my dear friends talk about our shared passion, I realized how important it is that we are holding one another up in prayer. The enemy doesn't want us to adopt. The enemy wants us weak and uncourageous. I refuse to accept that! It makes me want to follow even more adoption blogs than I already read (as if I have more time) because I want to be able to pray for all of those families who are trusting the Lord's call to adopt. Lord, free us all to proceed!

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My time with the girls also helped me have another realization. I've sat around for the last few years feeling jealous of my married friends who have families of adopted and biological kids -- for that's what I always wanted for myself: A big family of all kinds of kids from all sorts of countries! And yes, I've been jealous. I've begged forgiveness from the jealousy and turned from it over and over, but it sometimes creeps back in and gets me. Here's the realization I had: I AM one of those families. I have nothing to be jealous of because I fit quite perfectly into my circle of adopted family friends. Praise God! Sure, my family looks a little different than some others, and we pray might look different still in a few years, but I am an adoptive family and look like the picture I always hoped and dreamed to have. Duh!

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So praise God for blessings and for friends. And praise Him even for obstacles, which drop us to our knees in total submission to Him. Lord, loose the obstacles for families world wide who are adopting. Let them move quickly forward in perfect submission to your plan for the orphan. Amen.